How to Respond to Your Child’s Anxiety + Worry while on Vacation
You’re getting ready for a family trip, and you notice that your child has a million questions because they’re feeling worried about… a lot of things! You’re ready to relax, but anxiety has your kid’s wheels spinning. Maybe you start off by answering the questions, reassuring them that it’s going to be okay…
But it’s like a game of whack-a-mole –
you deal with one worry and one (or 2, or 3!) more pop up!
➡️ What if our flight is delayed and we have to be at the airport forever?
➡️ What if the plane crashes? What if the cruise sinks?
➡️ Asking 3987542 questions about the planned activities, needing to know every detail of what they’ll be doing
➡️ What if I don’t like the food, and then I throw up or get sick?
You get the idea – the sky's the limit when it comes to what kids can worry about.
I hear you – vacations are supposed to be fun! Can’t we just take a break from anxiety? I’m sure if your child could CHOOSE to take a break from worrying – they would! But these worries keep popping into their mind, and they’re turning to you - their wise mama bear (or papa bear!) to help them deal.
Of course we always start with validating emotions.
Yes, even if you think there is NO reason for them to worry. Ok, and then what?
Understand the details behind your child’s worry
No matter what worry your child throws at you, try to understand why they’re worried about this (don’t make any assumptions!). Keep in mind these tips during your convo:
✅ Listen + Follow your child’s lead
✅ Open-ended questions + gentle curiosity
❌ Avoid reassuring, making assumptions and judgments
Not sure how to get this conversation going? Here are a few ideas:
💬 What about (the plane) feels scary/uncomfortable?
💬 What do you think might happen (on the flight)?
💬 When you imagine yourself (on the flight), what do you see?
What if your child responds with a shrug or “I don’t know”? You can:
1. Check in with them later when they're feeling less nervous
2. Suggest possible reasons for why they might be worried:
“Hmmm… when I’m on flights, I sometimes worry about..
the flight being delayed and having to sit on the plan forever.
I wonder if that’s something you’ve been thinking about?”
Make sure to reflect the details back to your child (even if you don't agree!), to make sure you got it right: “So you’re feeling worried about our flight because you think you might get sick, and everyone will see you throw up. Did I get that right?”
The #1 Mistake Parents Make when Responding to their Child’s Worries
Once you understand the specifics behind their worry, you’ll have SO MANY reasons to convince them not to worry. Our mama/papa bear instinct is to share these reasons + convince them to feel LESS worried!
💭 Worried about motion sickness?
💬 You hardly ever get motion sickness! It’s a short flight!
How does your child usually respond when you try to convince them not to worry? Usually, it’s a short-term fix and they’re back to worrying. Sometimes they double-down on ALLLL the reasons why they're SURE this will be terrible.
Don’t make the mistake of trying to convince your child NOT to worry! Instead…
Help your Anxious Child by Building a Coping Thought (3 Steps)
Step 1: With your child, look up facts 📊 about the specific worry. Pretend you’re a co-detective on the hunt for the best clues 🤓
⭐️ Review past experiences. In a curious tone (as if you didn’t know the answer): “We’ve gone on a few flights recently... how'd those go?”
⭐️ Ask others about similar experiences. Who in your circle of family or friends might know a lot about this topic? Maybe you’re friends with someone who flies frequently? Get more details from others (choose your sources carefully!) about their experience with the specific worry. Brainstorm questions and jot down notes together.
⭐️ Research, with caution. With your child, look up facts about the specific worry - in books, websites, etc. If browsing online, help your child identify websites with high-quality factual information.
Step 2: Tie this information back to the specific worry. The key is to scaffold your child (help them just as much as needed - not any more than that!)
💬 “You’re feeling worried about this flight, but you know you’ve been safe on previous flights. And lots of your friends have also been safe. So, even though you're anxious about this flight, facts show that you'll probably be okay.”
✅ The tone we’re aiming for is neutral - just laying out the facts you gathered together! Not pleading with your child to convince them (Remember, this is the #1 mistake parents make!)
Step 3: Help Your Anxious Child Learn to Tolerate Uncertainty
This last step is SO important, and it is also the hardest for many parents. Most times, we can’t know FOR SURE that the thing our child is worried about is not going to happen (wouldn't it be amazing if we could!). Your child needs practice with labeling this uncertainty. And of course, we also want to show confidence in their ability to cope with these uncertain situations.
Teaching our kids to cope with uncertainty is hard.
And, the more practice they get with it, the better they will get at coping with anxiety.
Here’s what this might sound like:
➡️ “You probably won’t throw up on the plane, but we can’t know that for sure. What could you do if you start to feel sick?”
➡️ “You’ll probably feel fine on the plane tomorrow because that’s what’s happened in the past, but we're not 100% sure about that. If you think you’re about to throw up, what could you do?”
Help your child brainstorm ways to handle these unlikely and challenging situations. The goal is NOT to make the worry go away - but to empower your child to learn how to cope with the worry, so that it doesn’t hold them back!
The earlier we give our kids the tools to cope with uncertainty,
the more prepared they’ll feel to handle these experiences as adults.
Learning to respond to your child’s worry and helping them build those “tolerating uncertainty” muscles is hard! You don’t have to get it ALL right, EVERY time. Want to learn how to practice these science-based coping tools with my expert support, and a small community of parents whose children struggle with anxiety?
Check out my live, online course for
Parenting Kids with Anxiety
We’ll dive into all the details, and do the most important part – practice and get support on this hard and incredible journey of raising an anxious child!
